Lupus Mutatio
by Kid Death
Summary: Remus Lupin’s first full moon in the Shrieking Shack.
1. human

Lupus Mutatio  
Chapter 1 : Human

It was quiet, far too quiet for Remus Lupin's comfort. He sat naked upon a tattered mattress in the shack that the Headmaster and teachers of Hogwarts built and warded for him.

Curling tightly into a fetal position to ward off the constant pains of the impending transformation, he wished that the werewolf who gave him this curse had killed him.

He screamed as his bones began to break and reconfigure themselves. This was always the most painful part of the change, the part that made him want to drive a silver knife into his heart because it would hurt less. Once the sickening cracking of his bones ceased, he braced himself for the next stage of the transformation.

Remus howled shrilly and tore at his skin in hopes of obviating the pain and tingling underneath. It was as if someone was pulling cruelly at every single hair follicle on his body simultaneously. He clawed his face as the bone cell formation increased rapidly and his skin stretched to form the wolf's snout.

He paused for a moment to rest and fight for control of his mind. The wolf laughed at his struggle internally.

Finally, he stopped struggling and shut the door in his mind between the wolf's consciousness and his own. Remus wept for his lost innocence and hoped beyond hope that the wolf wouldn't be able to get out of this house.


	2. wolf

Lupus Mutatio  
Chapter 2 :Wolf

The wolf laughed silently when he felt the kid hide himself. The kid never did like him, but why should he care?

He jumped off the bed and looked around. Nothing but flimsy wood.

There is a window. That may be his way out. This room is too far from the ground though. He didn't want to risk hurting himself on his first trip for blood in a new place.

He pushed on the door with one paw and it came open easily. Sauntering out, the wolf felt like a pup exploring a new den. He glanced into the only other room in this section of the house. Nothing. Just walls. Not even another window.

Growling lowly at his lack of luck, he wandered over to the steep stairs and eased his way down them. It wouldn't do to fall down them on his first night here.

Another door immediately caught his attention. He galloped to it and pushed at it like he had the other one. It didn't budge. He prodded it with his shoulder, then stepped back a few feet and rammed it. It still didn't move.

After glaring at it, he turned away to examine the rest of the house. There was only one other room, which contained many metal objects. He searched the kid's memory and discovered the word to describe the room, kitchen. Another door. Again, failure.

Suddenly, at the possibility of no escape, the wolf's blood-ridden thoughts took over, and he panicked. He stepped back to the threshold between the stair room and the kitchen and ran at the door at full speed, turning at the last minute so that the side of his body hit the door instead.

It didn't work.

He turned and ran straight at the other door, repeating the process.

No, this couldn't be happening!

The wolf needed blood. His thoughts were frantic as he smashed into every single window on the bottom floor.

Nothing happened! Why weren't the windows breaking? Windows use glass. Glass breaks. Why wasn't it breaking?

He bolted up the stairs in a final endeavor to get out. The wolf propelled himself at the last window. He fell to the ground, his side bleeding from repeated blows. His chest was moving up and down rapidly.

Damn this house! Why couldn't he get out?

He arose from the prone position on the ground and growled, running at the walls in vain attempts to break out, each time howling in pain and frustration.

The walls that did not lead to the outside were easily destroyed. It's a wonder the ceiling didn't collapse on the raving wolf. He ran from room to room, tearing down walls and bloodying himself till he was nothing but one large bruise underneath the fur.

He took one final leap from the top of the stairs and shot himself at the door at the bottom. After slamming into it with no damage but to himself, he dropped to the wooden floor.

Many moments passed, and the smell of blood enticed his senses. He gazed at his sore legs. His breath quickened and he couldn't resist it anymore. The temptation was far too great. The sound of adrenaline-increased blood flow was too much for his instincts to handle. He tore into his own leg, nearly severing it completely.

The blood: delightful, delicious. He couldn't get enough of it. He needed more.

The wolf collapsed and immediately began biting himself, over and over. The places he couldn't bite, he clawed. Blood ran in thick rivulets over his eyes, and met with his already crimson snout. He breathed in the alluring metallic scent of the life-giving liquid, which was now taking his own.

The wolf felt weak.

The scent of blood was strong and he desired more of the savory nectar. He used the last of his strength to place his leg, the one that first tantalized his senses, upon his snout to allow the little remaining blood to trickle onto his tongue.

The wolf didn't know how long he lay in that position, nor did he care. The only thing that held his attention was the delectable flavor upon his taste buds.


	3. human again

Lupus Mutatio  
Chapter 3 : Human

Remus Lupin flinched when he heard loud noises from the other side of the door, vaguely wondering what the wolf was doing and how it would affect his body when he returned to his original form.

He thought about the first friends he had made in such a long time. How was he going to keep this from them? He didn't want to think what would happen if they ever found out. They would most definitely abandon him and try to kill him like all the others had.

His thoughts slowly gave way under the ominous silence, which was only broken by the noises from the other side of the door. The noises died down, and after what seemed like days to Remus, he was allowed to regain his own consciousness. The wolf was locked in the cage he was previously in until the next full moon.

The first thing Remus realized as he awoke was the incredible and excruciating pain he was in.

What did the wolf do to his body?

He attempted to move his arm…then his leg….something, anything. Why couldn't he move? No, please. Don't let the wolf have paralyzed him.

His common sense kicked in just then and he remembered that he would not be feeling such pain if he were paralyzed. Suddenly, he wished he was, indeed, paralyzed.

How was he going to get back to the school?

Would Madam Pomfrey even take care of him? She seemed like a nice enough woman the preceding night. What now? Now that the wolf had shown what it did to him on these nights. Now that she would know the reason his father put the manacles on the wall in his prison at home.

Remus pried open his eyes and gazed at the arm laying directly in its sight. He sobbed at what he saw. His left arm was mangled beyond his own recognition. Would he ever be able to use it again?

What would Sirius, Peter and James say when they saw his injuries? He knew the arm was only the first of them. What about his legs? Would he be able to walk? Or would he have to wait for one of the teachers to come and retrieve him?

Would he be missed if he died of blood loss right here and now, especially if they knew the abomination that he was? Only one way to find out.

He opened both eyes and, with a new determination, pushed himself into a sitting position with his unmangled arm. After enduring great pain and numerous long breaks, he eventually made it to his feet with the help of a smashed table's leg. He would use this to his advantage, to ease his pain even a little bit on the way back to school.

Remus opened the trapdoor and, after taking the first step onto the stairs, fell the rest of the way down.

After laying there for an undeterminable time, he reached toward the staircase and pulled a neatly folded set of clothes close to him. He pulled on the robe with extreme unease, deciding to leave the trousers and shirt for another day when he could actually put them on without collapsing from pain.

He decided to not pull his injured arm through the sleeve, fearful that it would cause even more harm to it, not to mention the pain he would be in. It caused exceptional agony when it was still, and he distinctly remembered the torture it was to move, even a centimeter.

Using the table leg once again, he slowly rose and allowed the robe to fall to his ankles. The left shoulder of the robe slid down to reveal bruised skin and deep claw marks.

He limped lethargically toward the exit that was quite a ways from where he now stood and desperately wished that someone would come to fetch him. No one would, he knew.

It must have taken him a few hours at least, but he reached his destination. One step at a time, he told himself.

Now, to get past the Whomping Willow. He located the knot just outside the exit and pushed against it. This would immobilize the tree's thick flailing branches for up to ten seconds. He must be quick, and not trip. He is doomed otherwise. Waiting the ten seconds for the tree to begin flailing again, he took a few deep breaths and pressed the knot again.

Then, he ran for his life…or rather, limped as quickly as he could away from the tree. His life depended on it. He needed to get back to the school, so that the mediwitch could heal him.

In the house, he decided that since he only lived until he died, that he would use those days to his best advantage. Which currently meant getting better and wreaking havoc with his new friends. He would keep his secret, but still didn't know what he would do if they found out, and probably wouldn't know unless this event came to pass.

Once out of the tree's reach, he fell to his knees, exhausted. He winced as he felt every bruise on his body protest to the agitation. Breath was now shallow and far to quickly spent.

No! Remus was determined to get to the castle. He would not die here! He would not die now! If his body wished it, he would die in the school's hospital ward on a nice warm bed.

Pushing himself back into a standing position, he trudged forward, stumbling often. He smiled slightly when the school came into view.

It had taken him most of the day to reach this place and it was now twilight. Lights came on in nearly every window of the castle, creating a beautiful spectacle. Remus supposed that everyone was at dinner and no one would see him slip in and head immediately to the hospital wing.

He pushed at the large wooden door leading to the Entrance Hall, but it wouldn't budge. No! Not now! Don't do this now! He was desperate to get in so he pushed and pushed, but to no avail, and finally collapsed against the door.

Remus banged lightly on the bottom of the door, far too lightly for anyone human to hear.

Please help me! I don't want to die here!

No words came from his lips; he could not bear to hear his own voice at this moment. Salvation came in the form of the Hogwarts groundskeeper. The large half-giant lifted him gently and Remus allowed him to do this with no resistance.

He would die in a bed, as he wanted. With a relieved smile, he allowed himself to fall into a deep, healing sleep.


End file.
